Friday, December 30, 2011

Another Chance

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Wife - I am removing our driver , because today its second time that I am almost accidented to death.
Husband - Darling please give him an another chance!

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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Weight loss

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A patient revisits the doctor.
Doctor - So, I had refered you for houre riding to reduce the weight.
Patient - Yes.
Doctor - How much is the weight loss?
Patient - 20 Kg.
Doctor - Then what is the problem now?
Patient - Doctor, My horse lost the weight not me!

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Wednesday, December 7, 2011

1ndian - A Music Album is released! - Rock On!

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Doubting of Patriotism is Serious.
Complaining of Patriotism is Bad.
Talking of Patriotism is Good!
Singing of Patriotism is Better!!
And Singing of Patriotism and thrilling and Rocking on it, is Best of All!!!

So let's Sing, thrill and Rock!!!!!

Download the songs from

Chahe der ho jaye Bhagwan se Judneme
Vo kal bhi hoga
Kuch nahi bigad jayega
Par der na ho Hindustan se Judne me
Vo aaj to hai
Pata nahi kal ujad jayega





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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Quotation - Expecting the world ....

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Quotation - Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian
 - .... Dennis Wholey quotes

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Monday, November 14, 2011

Signature

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signature2 A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.

~Evan Esar

signature4

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Thursday, November 3, 2011

Best Download

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husband-wife-kids Wife ( her husband)  : - You don't love me at all…

Husband  points towards their five children and says - "Do you think I

downloaded them from google"

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Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Wish u all happy, colorful, prosperous and safe Diwali !

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We enjoy firecrackers in Diwali, but be aware that some one is scared too!
Happy Diwali!

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Friday, October 21, 2011

3 kinds of men

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3-types-of-people-english

There are 3 kinds of men in this world.

Some remain single and make wonders happen.

Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

Rest get married and wonder what happened!

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Tuesday, October 18, 2011

CLASS - Jokes

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CLASS

C - Come
L - Late
A - And
S - Start
S - Sleeping

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Sunday, October 16, 2011

Who came first – the chicken or the Egg?

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chicken-or-egg-first-english Teacher asked a question to confuse the students

Teacher - The chicken came first or the egg?

The whole class was calm for a while. But after some time one student answered.

Student - Sir, The chicken came first - otherwise God would look silly sitting on an egg.

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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

LIFE – WIFE – Philosophy - Quote

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wife-english

 

One WIFE is sufficient to change your whole LIFE.

 

But to change the WIFE the whole LIFE is insufficient.

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Monday, October 10, 2011

Wife - Quote

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husband-wife-english "Wives are magicians….. They can change anything into an argument

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Sunday, October 9, 2011

INTELLIGENT Sardar

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sardarji-english Women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, as compared to men.

WHY?

A very INTELLIGENT Sardar replied:

Because Women don't have a wife!

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Thursday, October 6, 2011

A true Fact of Life :an or an Animal

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sick-employee-english

A wife says to his ill husband - This time better visist a veternary doctor, then only you could get well ...

Husband - Why so?

Wife - Daily gets up early in the morning like a cock ...

Runs like a horse to the office ...

Works like a Donkey in the office...

Collects information like a fox from every where ...and makes reports ...

Dances like a monkey on Boss's instructions ...

Scolds us like a Dog, after comming back at home...

and sleeps like a buffelow in the night.

How the hell a human doctor can treat you... ?...!!

Sent by - Vikas Naik

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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Two wishes

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A man was granted two wishes by God,



He asked for the best drink amd  the best woman ever.



Next moment he got mineral water and  Mother Teresa.


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Monday, September 26, 2011

Frequent urinal visits ?

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laughing cat

n_a

Frequent urinal visits

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Friday, September 23, 2011

why were females created before males?

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husband-wife2

Wife :-  Do you know, why were females created before males?
Husband :- Because God needed a rough funny draft before the final copy!

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Absolutely impossible

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1st person - I can bite my eye.
2nd Person - It's simply impossible... I bet for thousand.
1st person quickly removes his artificial eye and touch it with his teeth.
1st person - I can also bite my 2nd eye.
2nd person - Now its absolutely impossible... I bet for 5 thousand.
1st person quickly removes his artificial teeth and touches his 2nd eye with it.

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Friday, September 9, 2011

Shampoo

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A blond was applying the shampoo to her head and shoulder.
Her friend - No no don't waste the shampoo, shampoo is meant to be used for only head.
Blond - No no ...this is a new shampoo... Head and Shoulders 

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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

English Names

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Question - Why all English Names are like this -
Samson
Jackson
Willson
Robinson
Kenson
Johnson
Davidson
Jameson


Ans - To keep track of the father of the kid. 



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Moral of the story

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Teacher - A glass full of water and a glass full of liquor was kept in front of a Donkey. The Donkey drink only water and did not drink liquor.
Now Students tell me the moral of this story

One Student - Sir the moral of the story is that ' The one who do not drink liquor is Donkey '

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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Our Days

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Father - " In our days we used to buy milk, Bread, Eggs, Sugar... almost all daily needs in Rs. 5 only"
Son - "No it is not possible now, Nowadays CC TVs are fixed everywhere"

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Monday, September 5, 2011

Lift

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A blond was waiting for a bus on the bus stop.
A motorcycle comes and stopping by the blond the rider asks
" Do you want a lift"
Blond - " No thanks!. I stay on the ground floor."

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Thursday, August 4, 2011

Wish

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Wife - How it would be if you were a book. So that you would be always in front of my eyes.
Husband - I wish you were a calender. So that I would be able to change you every year.


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Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Monday, August 1, 2011

Just for you darling!

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He- I will climb the tallest mountains, deepest seas, walk on the hot coat barefoot, you know, just for you darling!
She- So sweet, Can you come to meet me ?
He - Not now, its raining!

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Thursday, July 7, 2011

Teacher jokes

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Teacher asked a student.

Teacher - Sam why you were absent from tutions for last two days.

Student - Sir I have only one dress to wear and that was washed day before yesterday so I was absent day before yesterday.

Teacher - OK that was for day before yesterday... What about yesterday.. Why you were absent from tutions yesterday?

STudent - Sir, Yesterday I came and find your washed dress drying in the balcony so I returned.

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Friday, July 1, 2011

Idiot and Ruler - Joke

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In the class a teacher calls John on the podium as he was doing mischiefs.

To make fun of John in front of all class students Teacher points a ruler at John and says to the class -

Teacher - Students you know there is an idiot standing at the end of this ruler.

One of the Student innocently asks - " Which end sir?"

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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Fish Puzzle

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Q - What do you call a fish with no eyes?
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Guess...
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Try its easy...
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You quit?

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The answer is ...
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Ans - The Fish with no eyes (with no 'i's) is called a FSH.

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Saturday, June 25, 2011

Jump from Balcony

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One day one Sardar was reading a newspaper sitting on balcony of his house. Suddenly he heard a voice saying Santa your daughter eloped with  a begger.  He get very angry and upset and jump from his balcony. While falling he remember that he had no daughter, then he remember that he is single,  then when he was about to hit the ground he remember that his name was not Santa.

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Sunday, June 19, 2011

Fly in the Tea

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One day a man order a tea in the tea shop.
When he was about to drink the tea he realise that there is a fly in the tea.
He become angry and scold the waiter
MAN- Waiter, see there is fly in my tea... And its really shame on you that you are charging 50 cents for this.
WAITER - Then are expecting a goat in the tea of just 50 cent.

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Saturday, June 18, 2011

Boyfriend - Girlfriend Joke - Bullshit!

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A Boy friend rushes home and instructs his Girlfriend.
Boyfriend - pack your bag honey, I have won 10 million dollars in a lottery..
Girlfriend - Wow! Great ... So what's the plan ... Thailand or Switzerland?
Boyfriend -  Bullshit... just pack your bag and GET LOST

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Friday, June 17, 2011

English Fast jokes - Fast Food

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Two Lions were resting under a tree
Suddenly a Rabbit passed by, very fast
Lion could not make out and asked the other one
“What was that?”
Second Tiger smiled and replied,
“FAST FOOD"

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Thursday, June 9, 2011

Look like - photos

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This is what sorry look like - 

This is what courage look like - 
This is what Bad luck look like
This is what impatience look like
This is what helping hand look like







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Saturday, June 4, 2011

Great Words

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If you salute your duty you need not salute anybody ... But if you pollute your duty you have to salute everybody!!


- Abdul Kalam

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Friday, May 20, 2011

Monkey Jokes

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Teacher was teaching in the class, when he realised that John was looking outside the class through window.
Teacher : - John ...
It seems John was lost looking outside.
Teacher : - (throwing a chalk at John) John ... What are you looking outside.
John : - (fumbling) Monkey
Teacher : - ( Angrily ) Even when I am in the class...
Teacher : - (Realising the meaning of the mistaken talk) I mean how dare you look outside when I am present in the class....

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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

It's a Man's world

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India now ruled by.
Amma in South;
Didi in East;
Bhenji in North;
Aunty in the Capital;                                                                                                                                            
Madam in Center;
Nani on top (the president)
"Wife At Home" 
 
 
And yet people say.. It’s a Man's World?
 

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Sunday, May 15, 2011

Secret of Happy life

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John (to sam) :- What is the secret of you happy life? I always hear  you and your wife's laughters from your house.
Sam:- It's nothing great. You know, my wife always throw utensils at me when she is angry. She laughs when she hits. And I laugh when she misses.

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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Window Curtains

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A blond went to a curtain shop ...
Blond :  - I want a curtain as I have purchased the latest 7.0 version of Windows.
Shopkeeper : - You no more require the curtains, because Bill Gates have already made provision for the customers like you.
Blond:- What provision?
Shopkeeper : - of hanging and crashing so that the window remains shut down more time than working.

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Monday, May 9, 2011

Short dress

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Boss : (to his female secretary) - You look nice in this short dress.
Secretary: (Curtly) - I am not wearing this short dress out of fashion. I am wearing it because I can afford this much dress only in a payment you pay.
Boss: Then I must recommend to our accountant to stop your payment.

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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

College jokes : Fool ?

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If you ask a question, it is possible that you would look like a fool for few minutes.
But if you don't ask, you would be fool forever...
... Anonymous

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Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Competition

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A blond, brunette and redhead woman decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of the English Channel Swim Competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blond finally reached the shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and a drink she remarked, " I don't want to complain, but I'm pretty sure those other two girls used their arms.

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Saturday, April 9, 2011

Blond in a library

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A blond goes into a library.
Blond (cheerfully) :- I am here to see a doctor.
Librarian (hushed voice) :- Miss this is a library.
Blond (in lower voice):- Oh sorry, I am here to see a doctor


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Friday, April 8, 2011

Why blond jokes are too short

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Q. Why blond jokes are too short.
Ans:- Because brunette can remember them

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Thursday, April 7, 2011

How to confuse a blond?

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Q. How do you confuse a blond?
Ans:- You can't, because they have been always like that.
  

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Monday, February 28, 2011

AC blond Joke

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A blond entered angrily in the AC show room. and started fighting with the Manager.
Blond - How can you be such a cheat and fraud...
Manager - What's wrong madam?.
Blond - Yesterday I bought 2 Ton AC from your showroom and when I weighted it at my home it weighted only only 35 Kgs....

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Saturday, February 26, 2011

Drunkard jokes

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1st lady - I heard that your husband drinks daily?
2nd lady - I don't know, I never bother.
1st lady - Never bother ? Actually you should ask him daily.
2nd Lady - I ask him, Daily I ask him, But he never gives me.

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Sunday, February 20, 2011

Film HouseFull

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Sajid Khan - I made a film 'Housfull' with so much of efforts, But I don't know why it flopped.?

Film critic - You know people went to watch your film in huge numbers, but returned in disappointment to see the 'Housfull' board everywhere.

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Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Why are you late?

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A blond college student comes late to class.
Teacher: Why are you late?
Blond : One boy was following me, sir.
Teacher: So, What?
Blond : That boy was walking very slow.

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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Funny Quote about baldness

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It is foolish to tear one's hair in grief, as though sorrow would be made less by baldness.  ~Cicero

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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Husband Store

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A store that sells husbands has just opened in India, where any woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!!!
You may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the Building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband…


On the first floor the sign on the door reads:


Floor 1 – These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking..
“Wow,” she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.
“Oh, mercy me!” she exclaims, “I can hardly stand it!”
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

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Monday, February 7, 2011

Dirty English Joke

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Boy 1: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Boy 2: Ok
Boy 1: A white horse fell in the mud. 

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Saturday, February 5, 2011

Santa Banta Joke - Well

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Santa once wrote a letter to Banta-

Hi Banta,
How are you? I am well and i hope you are in the same well..... 

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