Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Teacher student joke

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Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an “I”.
Student: I is the….
Teacher: Stop! Never put ‘is’ after an “I”. Always put ‘am’ after an “I”.
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Sleeping joke

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The Wake Up Call
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. The next week the man realized that he would need his wife to wake him at 6.00 am for an early morning business flight to Chicago.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence, he finally wrote on a piece of paper, “Please wake me at 6.00 am.”
The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9.00am, and that he had missed his flight. Furious, he was
about to go and see why his wife hadn’t woken him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed … it said…
“It is 6.00am; wake up.” 

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Friday, December 24, 2010

English - Big fight joke

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Once in a Bar , A man tells a bartender that there is going to be a fight and he needs a drink before that :

Man : Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me a drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender gives him a drink.
Man again says: Hurry-up, hurry-up, give me another drink. Fight is about to start.

Bartender again gives him a drink.

Man again asks for a drink as the fight is about to start.
Bartender : When on earth will the fight start?

Man: When you will ask for money.

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Wednesday, December 22, 2010

English jokes - Kissing dogs

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Sanata was sitting in a park with his girlfriend.
In front of them a Dog was kissing a bitch.
Santa (in loving mood) :- Honey... if you don't mind I am also feeling like kissing...
Girlfriend :- OK... go ahead... just take care ... otherwise the bitch may bite ...

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Monday, November 1, 2010

Blond jokes - Blond in a museum

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Museum Watchman: That is a 500 year old statue you have broken.

Blond: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.

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Saturday, October 9, 2010

Hey laxman

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 Bapu's last words: "HEY RAM" .. Probable last words of Ricky Ponting: "HEY LAXMAN."


Shyam Shroff - from facebook



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Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Funny quote - Rats

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The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you’'re still a rat.
—--- Lily Tomlin 






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Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Best ever quote about tobacco -

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" Tobacco Companies kill their best customers ........."

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Monday, September 20, 2010

Daddy how was I born?

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A little boy goes to his father and ask, "Daddy how was I born?"
The father answers, " Well, son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway!  Your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe.  We snuck into a secluded room, and googled each other. There your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive.  As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to his the delete button, nine months later a little Pop-Up appeared that said:

You've got male!

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Sunday, September 19, 2010

Definition of politics

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A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is  Politics?' 

Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way: 

I am the head of the family, so call me The President. 

Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government. 

We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People. 

The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class. 

And your baby brother, we will call him the Future. 

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.' 

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. 

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. 

He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. 

So the little boy goes to his parents' room and finds his mother asleep. 
Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. 
He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.' 

The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.' 

The little boy replies, 'The President is screwing the Working Class while the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.

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Friday, September 17, 2010

Differnece between Talent and intelligence

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Walking on a tight rope above Niagara falls is talent. And not trying it is intelligence. ...



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Thursday, September 16, 2010

Doctor patient joke

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A person goes to the doctor with his 3 year son.
Person: - Doctor, my son has swallowed a key, so we came to you.
Doctor:- When did he swallowed a key.
Person:- 10 days back.
Doctor:- And you are coming to me now, after 10 days.
Person:- We had a duplicate key, but today it is lost.

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Saturday, August 28, 2010

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Saturday, July 24, 2010

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Milkman

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Sponsored by - English Novels dot net 

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A big salute

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A Big salute
Sponsored by

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Thursday, July 15, 2010

Regimen

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A traffic police got dysentery. He went to doctor. Doctor gives him some medicine.
Traffic police - '' Sir any regimen or special care to take''
Doctor - " As such there is no any special care to take, only the thing just take care while blowing the whistle''


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Thursday, June 24, 2010

Funny Contradictory Words

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1. Clearly misunderstood
2. Exact Estimate
3. Small Crowd
4. Act naturally
5. Found missing
6. Fully Empty
7. Happily Married... 

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Thursday, June 10, 2010

spectators reaction about the film - Rajeeti

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Media person – (to the spectator coming out of the movie theater) How is the movie? How is the role of Katrina kaif?
Spectator – Movie is so so …. In fact I was waiting for Katrina kaif to come in saree the whole movie and she comes in saree in the last 10 mins.
Media person – My God … that means she was without saree or what the whole movie except last 10 mins.

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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

English jokes - Price

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Gal (to the shopkeeper) :- What's the price of this dress.
Shopkeeper - Just 4 kiss.
Gal - And what about this dress?
Shopkeeper - 10 kisses.
Gal :- Pack the both, my grandmother will pay the bill.

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Thursday, March 25, 2010

English jokes - A Flirtatious husband

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A Flirtatious husband ( to his wife) – “When I die don’t forget to call a woman next door to our house. “
The wife – “Who, the taller one?”
Husband – “ No… the one who cries wildly hugging tightly the corpse, when someone dies”

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Monday, March 1, 2010

Why do you put colors on HOLI?

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To make it compulsory to take bath at least a day in a year ...
Happy bath anniversary .....
Happy HOLI...........

Sunil Doiphode

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Friday, February 12, 2010

College Jokes - Go to college ... never

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College Jokes -  Go to college ... never

Go to college ... never
if you go, don't talk to girls ever
if you talk, don't fall in love ever
if you fall, don't run with fear
And if you want to run...
take her too  with you my dear 


--- Sent by Anonymous Pune

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Saturday, January 30, 2010

Butterfly

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Teacher : - Listen girls! houseflies mostly feed on uncovered food. Now tell me what does the butterfly  feed on?
Mohan:-  Very simple, butterflies feed on butter.

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Thursday, January 28, 2010

Domestic animal ?

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Teacher:- Name the domestic animal that eats a lot?
Kavita: - My brother.

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Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Father son jokes - My father

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Sam : - My father is afraid of crossing the road.
Ram: - Why do you say that?
Sam: - He always holds my hand when crossing the road.

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Sunday, January 24, 2010

Student - Teacher jokes - Mathematics

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Teacher : Neeta, if you have two chocolates and if I give you two more, how many will you have?
Neeta: None. All the chocolates will be in my stomach

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Sunday, January 10, 2010

Santa banta sports jokes

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Santa : Shall we play the game of chess ?
Banta: wait a minute, I will come back wearing shoes. 



Sent by - Anonymous 

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