Wednesday, December 30, 2009

English Parents jokes -My son

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...
Three parents were discussing,
First - You know, my son floats like fish in the swiming pool.
Second - It's not so great, my son floats like an air in the swiming pool.
Third - Why are you arguing... My son is great of all.
First and Second - How come?
Third - Because when we get up in the morning, we find a swimming pool in his bed daily.
sent by - vilas


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Monday, December 28, 2009

English danger cartoons - Danger!

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Saturday, December 26, 2009

English cattle cartoons - oh shit ... my husband

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Tuesday, December 22, 2009

English husband wife jokes - Be careful

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Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was
losing his temper. ‘'Be careful,’ he said to his wife. ‘You'’ll bring out the beast
in me.’'
‘'So what?’ his wife shot back. ‘Who’s afraid of a mouse?’'

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Sunday, December 20, 2009

English marriage anniversary jokes - How did you know?

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For their first anniversary, a man bought his young wife a cell phone. She
was thrilled and listened eagerly as he explained all its features. The next
day she was out shopping when the phone rang.
‘'Hey, darling',’ he husband said.' ‘How do you like your new phone?’'
‘'Oh, I just love it!’ 'she gushed.' ‘It’s so cute and small—a nd your voice sounds
so clear. But there’s just one thing I don’t understand.’'
‘'What’s that?’'
‘'How did you know I was at the sari shop?’'

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Friday, December 18, 2009

English kid jokes - stop studying

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Boy to mother: 'I’'ve decided to stop studying.’'
‘'How come?’' asked the mother.
'‘I heard that that someone was shot dead, because he knew too much.’'

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

English terrorist jokes - Don't worry

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Two terrorists were driving to the location where they intended to plant a
bomb, which one of them had in his lap.
‘'Drive a little faster, the bomb may go off any minute',’ said the man carrying
the explosive.
‘'Don’t worry',’ the driver assured him, ‘'we have got a spare one in the boot.’'







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Monday, December 14, 2009

English psychologist jokes - Who's been treating you until now?

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A patient complains to a famous psychologist: ‘Professor, 'I’'ve been having
terrible obsessions for years, and no one has ever been able to help me.'
‘'Who'’s been treating you until now?’'
‘'Dr Lal Rathor.‘'
‘'I see. He'’s an idiot. I’m curious to know what he advised you to do?'.’
‘Patient -'To come and see you.’'

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Saturday, December 12, 2009

English mother-in-law jokes - Weren't you afraid?

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A small farm boy was milking his cow when all of a sudden a bull came
charging towards him. As horrified workers nearby watched, the boy calmly
continued his milking.
To everyone’s astonishment, the bull stopped a few inches from the boy,
turned around and walked away . ‘Weren’t you afraid?’ one of the workers
asked the boy.
‘Not at all,’ the boy replied , ‘I knew this cow was his mother-in-law.’

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Thursday, December 10, 2009

English secretary jokes - Raise in salary

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When an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he
turned her down, saying: ‘Your salary is already higher than that of the
secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.’
‘Excuse me,’ the efficient woman replied, ‘I thought we got paid for what we
produce here— not for what we produce at home in our own time.’

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Monday, December 7, 2009

English jokes - Veterinarians jokes

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Overheard at the veterinarian’s: ‘I had my cat neutered. He’s still out all
night with the other cats, but now he’s a consultant.’

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Saturday, December 5, 2009

English Jokes - What do you want sir?

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Maid: What do you want, sir?
Visitor: I want to see your master.
Maid: What’s your business, please?
Visitor: There is a bill...
Maid: Ah! He left yesterday for his village...
Visitor: Which I have to pay him...
Maid: And he returned this morning.

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Thursday, December 3, 2009

English jokes - how many years it took to build.

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Aforeign tourist hired a guide to take him around Delhi and Agra. At the
Red Fort at Delhi, he admired the architecture and asked how many years it
took to build.
“Twenty years,” replied the guide.
‘You Indians are a lazy lot,” the tourist said. “In my country, this could have
been built in five.’
At Agra he admired the Taj’s beauty and asked how many years it took to
build.
‘Only ten years,’ said the guide.
The tourist retorted: ‘You Indians are slow! We can construct such buildings
in two-and-a-half.’
In this fashion the tourist claimed that every building he admired could have
been built in his country in quarter the time. Finally, when they reached the
Qutab Minar, and the tourist asked what it was, the guide replied: ‘I don’t
know. It wasn’t there yesterday evening.”

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Tuesday, December 1, 2009

English Jokes - ‘What Men deserve?

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Men who treat women as helpless and charming playthings deserve women
who treat men as delightful and generous bank accounts.



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Sunday, November 29, 2009

English Jokes - ‘Ticket, please.’

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Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference.
At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought
only one ticket between them.
‘How are you going to travel on a single ticket?’ asked a lawyer.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered one of the engineers.
When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the thre e
engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly
after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet
door and asked, ‘Ticket please.’ The door opened just a crack and a single
arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved
on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.
So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their
astonishment, the engineers didn’t buy any. ‘How are you going to travel
without a ticket?’ asked one of the perplexed lawyers.
‘Wait and watch,’ answered an engineer.
In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers
into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out
of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding.
He knocked on the door and said, ‘Ticket, please.’

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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

What everybody in this world are doing at this moment?

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At this moment everyone in the world is doing the same thing, what is it?
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.... Guess what?
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Ans:- getting older

- posted by: yami 

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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Post office Jokes

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Man - Sir my wife is missing

Postmaster - Dear this is post office, Go to police station to file the complaint. ...

Man -- Oh, I am sorry, I am so overwhelmed that I am not able to understand what to to... ..

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Sunday, September 27, 2009

Funny SMS Jokes

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SMS -

Today is death anniversary of Charlie Chaplin. In his memory pl. send this SMS to at least one cartoon. I have done my job, you do yours,,

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Friday, September 25, 2009

This is really cute – Fall in love

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This is really cute -

A 5 year boy proposing a 5 year girl

Excuse me , Do you have a band aid because I scrapped my knee when I fall in love with you..

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Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Difference between love and friendship – Touching thouthts

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U give your whole heart to ur love and they break it. But y give your broken heart to your friend and they make it ... that's the friendship

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Monday, September 21, 2009

English Circus Joke - Kiss me

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English Circus Joke - Kiss me

A lady and a lion were kissing each other inside a cage in the circus ring. Everybody was amazed to see this when the ring master asked, " Can anybody from the audience do this?"

One Sardar gets up and said, " Yes, I can, ...but first take that stupid lion out.."

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Monday, September 7, 2009

English jokes - Ticket

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English jokes - Ticket

A TC asked a passenger travelling in the train comartment -

" May I know where are you going?"

Passenger - " I am going to the place where Lord Rama was born''

TC - " May I have a look at your ticket please?''

Passenger - " I am afraid, I don't have it"

TC- '' Well, .. come.. follow me''

Passenger - " Where ?''

TC - " To the place where Lord Krishna was born"

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Wednesday, September 2, 2009

English funny quotes -Be a good person

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English funny quotes -Be a good person

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian

--- Dennis Wholey

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Thursday, August 20, 2009

Optimism joke - B+

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eng-entertainment-free-books

Optimism joke - B+

A captain was fighting against the enemy, with his team, on the border. Suddenly a soldier arrived hurrily to tell -

" Sir there is a bad news... the enemy has surrounded us from all sides"

Captain said, '' Hey it's more better , Now at least we can shoot anywhere around. "

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Friday, August 14, 2009

TV blond jokes - Blond buys a TV

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English-entertainment-free-books

TV blond jokes - Blond buys a TV

A Blond is buying a TV.

Blond (to TV shopkeeper) - "Do you have color TVs?

Shopkeeper - "Sure."

Blond - "Give me a green one, please."

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Thursday, July 30, 2009

Funny quotes and pictures – Doing nothing

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comedy-photos-jokes-fun

Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.

Technorati Tags:

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

English Comedy Quotes - Before marriage - After marriage

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best-novel-books

English Comedy Quotes - Before marriage - After marriage

Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.

---ohn Wilmot

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Friday, July 17, 2009

English organisation jokes - Organisation tree

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books-image

English organisation jokes - Organisation tree

The organisation is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels. Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of pale yellow faces.The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.

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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

English short one line jokes - A man dies

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images3

English short one line jokes - A man dies

A man dies while drinking milk. How come? Because the buffalo sits down.

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Monday, July 13, 2009

English heaven hell kiss jokes - When did you kiss first? ?

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english-booksEnglish heaven hell kiss jokes - When did you kiss first? ?

Three women reached the Yamlok after dieing. Yama asked the same question to each of them -

When did you kiss first?

First woman - Before marriage

Yama - Send her to hell

Second woman - After marriage

Yama - Send her to heaven

Third woman - Neither before marriage nor after marriage

Yama - Send her to my bedroom

--- Sent by - Sharad (Nagpur)

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Friday, July 10, 2009

English Funny Quotes - Invention of wheel

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complete-romantic-novels

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius. "

--- Anonymous

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Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Friday, July 3, 2009

English jokes – Guess who she is?

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blonde-jokes

Dear It’s not a weighting  machine, its a laptop.

I guess you must be blond… Am I right.

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Monday, June 29, 2009

English Doctor jokes - First child

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English Doctor jokes - First child

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

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Friday, June 26, 2009

Mental hospital jokes - Discharge from Hospital

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Mental hospital jokes - Discharge from Hospital

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom and stayed there.


Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out.


When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable.


When he went to tell Mary the news he said, 'Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead.'


Mary replied 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry.'

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Tuesday, June 23, 2009

English science jokes - Relativity

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English science jokes - Relativity


When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.

--- - Albert Einstein

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Friday, June 19, 2009

English lover jokes - kiss jokes

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English lover jokes - kiss jokes

Boy Lover - I never miss to kiss the post tickets stick on your posts, because it contains the touch and the smell of your lips... you know.

Girl Lover - Oh, I am sorry to inform you that ... my old maid servant sticks those tickets...

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Wednesday, June 17, 2009

English sardar santa banta jokes - Born Sardar

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English sardar santa banta jokes - Born Sardar

Each Friday night after work, Santa Singh would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics ... and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.


The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest.


The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic. After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass ... and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, ou were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."


Santa neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived.


The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighborhood. The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.


There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara(dear), you are a potato and tomato"!

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Monday, June 15, 2009

English jokes - What time is it?

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English jokes - What time is it?

BLONDE: 'Excuse me, what time is it right now?'

WOMAN: 'It's 11:25PM.'

BLONDE: (confused look on face) 'You know, it's the weirdest thing, I've asked that question thirty times today, and every time someone gives me a different answer.

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Friday, June 12, 2009

English kid jokes - Doctor nurse

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English kid jokes - Doctor nurse

A woman brings eight-year-old Little Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her eight-year-old daughter.

Little Johnny's mother says, 'Let's not be too harsh on them . they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.'

'Curious about sex?..' replies Mary's mother, '.. Fortunately I reached there on time... otherwise he was about to cut her stomach by knife to remove her appendix out!'

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Wednesday, June 10, 2009

English Blond jokes - A blonde gets a job as a teacher.

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English Blond jokes - A blonde gets a job as a teacher.


Watching the kids play she notices a boy in the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun with a ball.

She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.

"Are you ok?" she says.

"Yes" he replied.

"You do know that you can go and play with the other kids" she says.

"Its best I stay here" he said.

"But why?" says the blonde.

The boy says "Because I'm the fucking goalie!"

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Friday, June 5, 2009

English Call center joke - Customer complaint

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English Call center joke - Customer complaint

Customer: I am in serious problem.

Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle (@ ) around it?

English Call center jokes, customer complaint jokes, serious jokes, Real jokes, Email jokes, Tech support jokes, Alphabet jokes, ampersand jokes, problem jokes, email writting jokes, phone jokes

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Wednesday, June 3, 2009

English Blonde jokes - How many blondes

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English Blonde jokes - How many blondes

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to put the light bulb in, the other to turn the ladder.

English comedy, English laughters, English comedy literature, Funny literature, Online English jokes comedy, Free English jokes literature, just English jokes comedy, English Blonde jokes

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Friday, May 29, 2009

English school teacher student jokes - Live long

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English school teacher student jokes - Live long

Teacher : - Boys you know...Scientists all over the world are wondering

how long a human being can live without a brain..

One of the Student : - Sir, Kindly tell them ur age..

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Wednesday, May 27, 2009

English doctor dentist jokes - Brave husband

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English doctor dentist jokes - Brave husband

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist , 'Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'


The dentist thought to himself, 'My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.' So the dentist asks him, 'Which tooth is it sir?


The man turned to his wife and said, 'Open your mouth honey, and show him.

dentist doctor jokes, husband wife jokes, couple jokes, office jokes, golf jokes, funny jokes, jokes entertainment, laughter is cure, comedy material, full comedy joeks, jokes, gags collection

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Monday, May 25, 2009

English husband wife couple jokes - When the wife walks on her knees

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English husband wife couple jokes - When the wife walks on her knees

"Well, just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees."

His friends were amazed! "What happened then?"

"Well, then she said, 'GET OUT FROM UNDER THE BED AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN' "

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Friday, May 22, 2009

English Number jokes / riddles - 7,8,9

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English Number jokes / riddles - 7,8,9

why was 6 scared of 7?

because 7,8,9(seven ate nine)!

number jokes, bit jokes, arithmetic jokes, English number riddles, short jokes riddles, English comedy unlimited, new jokes collection, new songs poems, english free download, english literature

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Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Niggard tight-fisted Jokes - Death

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Niggard tight-fisted Jokes - Death

Niggard on his death time-

My wife, where r u ?

Wife:Yes, Im here

My sons daughters ru all here?

Yes, Papa

Niggard : Idiots... then, why the hell the fan in the next room is on???

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Monday, May 18, 2009

Niggard Jokes - Banana

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Niggard Jokes - Banana

Niggard : How much this banana costs?

Shopkeeper: 1 Rupees.

Niggard : Will you give it for 60 paise?

Shopkeeper : In 60 paise you could get its peel only.

Niggard : Take this 40 paise, you keep the peel and give me the rest of the banana.

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Friday, May 15, 2009

English funny comedy photographs - A Dog

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English funny comedy photographs - A Dog



Dog riding car, dog driving car, dog in a car, doggie photographs, animal funny photographs, pet funny comedy photographs, english visual jokes, english photo jokes

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Wednesday, May 13, 2009

blond brunett and red head jokes - island

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blond brunett and red head jokes - island

a blond brunett and red head are stick on an island. The red head trys to swim back, but only get 25% of the way there. The brunett trys to swim back but only gets halfway there... --- now its the blonds turn. She manages to get 50% of the way there, but gets afraid of drowning and swimms back to the island.

blond brunett and red head jokes, island jokes, swiming jokes, drowning fear jokes, different jokes, variety of jokes collection, dictionary directory catalog list of jokes, singled out jokes

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Friday, May 8, 2009

English Husband wife couple jokes - Complement

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English Husband wife couple jokes - Complement

A woman was standing, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

husband wife jokes, husband wife fight jokes, eyesite jokes, complement jokes, mirror jokes, Famous jokes, bedroom jokes, fat old jokes, horrible jokes, damn near perfect jokes, classical jokes

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Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Car indicator jokes - Blond car joke

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Car indicator jokes - Blond car joke

A blondes husband asks her to get out the car and check if the indicator is working. she gets out goes to the back of the car and the husband sitting in the car) puts the indicator on. "is it working?"he asks. "yes no yes no yes no yes no"replies the blonde

car jokes, automobile jokes, wife jokes, better half jokes, funny jokes, idiot jokes, car indicator jokes, nano jokes, English gags, iHbollywood jokes, fun entertainment, Hollywood jokes, hot jokes

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Monday, May 4, 2009

Blond elevator jokes - Blond Stuck in the elevator

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Blond elevator jokes - Blond Stuck in the elevator

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out. They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.


After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others "I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together."


The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly "Together, together, together."

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Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Marriage jokes - Lover

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Marriage jokes - Lover

There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her.

They got married, and now he is going through hell.

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Monday, April 27, 2009

cracker jokes - Stupid blond joke

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cracker jokes - Stupid blond joke

On the occation of a festival there were cracers cracking everywhere. A blond called out her husband from downstars, " Honey... come quickly to the balcony and look down... See I am burning the cracker so big and so huge.... "

Blond's husbond came to the balcony and looked down and darted downstars crying "No...."

By the time he reached downstairs, his blond wife was just igniting the cracker. He immediately pushed her crying, "No...."

The blond got up asking her husband, " Honey ... What's wrong?"

Husband - " Stupid .. it is not a cracker ... its a gas cylinder"

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Friday, April 24, 2009

marriage jokes Quotes - Holding hand

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marriage jokes Quotes - Holding hand

They say when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love;

after marriage, it is self-defense.

Marriage jokes, husband wife jokes, self defense jokes, couple short jokes, Marriage quotes, Marriage proverbs, Marriage poems, Marriage songs, Marriage lines, jokes collection, jokes directory

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Wednesday, April 22, 2009

foreign jokes - An Iraqui

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foreign jokes - An Iraqui

A Question was asked to an Iraqui,

" What's the difference between George Bush and a bucket of manure?"

Iraqui answered, "The Bucket"


Jorge bush jokes, Foreign jokes, Iraqui jokes, Question answer jokes, bucket jokes, manure jokes, tricky jokes, instant jokes, accidental jokes, very short jokes, one line jokes, American jokes

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